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Shownotes

Summary

In this conversation, Jennifer Green discusses the “F*ck It” Puppet, a self-defeating and apathetic response to the overwhelm of a significant life change (like quitting smoking). It’s part of a very normal tendency to revert back to your old behavior(s). Remembering why you are making the change and working to change your identity to a non-smoker will help you defeat this little creep!

Themes

self-doubt, perseverance, existential angst, climate change, mental health, emotional struggles, anxiety, personal growth, resilience, coping mechanisms

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Quit For Good Podcast
01:08 The “F*ck It” Puppet
03:11 The Role of Identity in Quitting Smoking
04:29 Changing Your Identity and Taking Responsibility
05:55 Legal Disclaimer and Closing

TRANSCRIPT

Intro

Hello, I'm Jennifer Green, and this is the Quit For Good podcast. I'm here to help you quit smoking for good. The problem with most smoking cessation advice is that it comes from well-meaning professionals who have never felt the pain of nicotine addiction. I smoked for over 30 years before quitting for good in 2016, and I've been offering advice and coaching to quitters ever since.

My book, Quit Smoking for Good, takes you on a transformational journey from hopeless smoker to healthy nonsmoker in five simple steps, using compassion, empathy, and personal truth-telling, combined with science and psychology-based strategies for behavior change.

No matter where you are in your quitting journey, you can always begin again. So let's get started.

The “F*ck It” Puppet

I'm recording this on Halloween, the perfect day to talk about something scary, a self-defeating and apathetic response to feeling overwhelmed by a big change, and the very normal tendency to slip back to your old behavior. It's called the “F*ck It Puppet.”

When my mindfulness teacher mentioned the F*ck It Puppet to our smoking cessation cohort a few weeks after we had quit, I knew exactly what he was talking about. After a period of strong arming my behavior into what I knew I should do while constantly craving a cigarette, this creepy voice would wait for an opportunity of weakness—like a lack of sleep, a fight with my partner, financial worries, or some good old-fashioned existential angst. …climate anxiety anyone?

And it would whisper something like this into my ear:

“Life is so hard already. Nobody knows how you're gonna die or when. Shouldn't you enjoy yourself while you're here? You deserve the relief a cigarette would give you for dealing with this shit show. Stop fighting. Give in… Just fuck it.”

This voice is not your friend.

It's the devil who sits on your shoulder.  It is a nihilist. Like the hilariously astringent Cabbie in one of my favorite movies from the kids in the hall, Brain Candy, who sings a lullaby he learned from his mother,

“Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be oh-ver.”

My God, that poor guy must have had a tough childhood. And his adult life was apparently not going so great either.

But you know what? His attitude wasn't doing him any favors.

The “f*ck it” puppet is right about one thing, though. You need to stop fighting.

Willpower is a finite resource, and when you find yourself depleted... Have you ever heard of the HALT acronym? It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. These are all situations where your willpower leaves the building. And when it does, if you are relying exclusively on force of will for your behavior change, you're very likely to give in to your temptations.

You might wonder how you can stop fighting and yet keep going. And the key is in your identity or how you see yourself. Let me give you a simple example.

When a vegetarian is presented with a hamburger, they don't wrestle with wanting to eat it, even if it kind of smells good. I should know. If they have committed to the identity of being a vegetarian, there's no choice to make and hence no struggle. They don't eat meat. That's the end of the story. They say, “No thank you,” and ask for a vegetarian option. This is what it would mean to change your identity to a non-smoker.

When presented with a situation where you might ordinarily want to smoke, there is no difficult choice to make because you don't smoke.

It's the same reason that complete sobriety is easier for an alcoholic than cutting back. If a person doesn't drink, they don't have to think about whether or not to have a drink (or have another). The phrase “dry drunk” refers to somebody who hasn‘t yet changed their identity from a drinker trying to quit to someone who does not use alcohol. They’re still hanging on to sobriety by their fingernails. It's a pretty unpleasant state of mind and it’s not sustainable in the long run.

When you want to change your identity, the best place to start is to accept full responsibility for the choices you've made to reach your current situation. Taking responsibility is very different from accepting blame. You are not less than anyone else because of your choices, even if they were mistakes. Mistakes are a requirement for learning and growth, and so we can be thankful for all the things we think of as failures.

Taking responsibility is more empowering than being a victim of circumstance. And it sets you up with the power to start making different choices, like changing your relationship to smoking and cigarettes. So stop trying to be stronger than your cravings. As long as you believe that you want to smoke and that you have to resist your desire, you will be fighting that unpleasant battle of finite willpower.

Instead, remind yourself of the important reason why you are quitting and practice becoming a non-smoker. It might not happen overnight, but every time you: crave a cigarette, tell yourself that you don't smoke, and make a different choice, you'll reinforce this new identity.

Over time, you will believe that you are a non-smoker who simply doesn't smoke. And then you can tell the “f*ck it” puppet where to go.

Legal Disclaimer and Closing

If you're still with me, here's your legal disclaimer.

The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. While the strategies and techniques presented here may be helpful in your journey to quit smoking, they are not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any medical conditions. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified healthcare provider before making any significant changes to your health regimen or if you have concerns about quitting smoking, especially if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or have any pre-existing health conditions.

This podcast does not replace professional medical treatment or counseling. Success in quitting smoking varies from person to person and results may differ. Jennifer Green and Quit For Good, which is a project of Shu Shu Design LLC, make no guarantees regarding the effectiveness of the methods shared and encourage listeners to find the support and resources that work best for their individual needs.  

Take care and keep going. I believe in you.

This piece was originally published in A Newsletter for Quitters on Substack on April 2, 2023. Read the original post here