How the Language of Persuasion Leaves Everyone Feeling Broken

Did you get enough REM sleep last night? Me neither. Apparently we’re both getting dementia now. Do you have saggy skin that requires daily face yoga and a miniature rolling pin run over it for a specified number of minutes each day? Are you too flabby, underemployed, undereducated, too old, estrogen-deprived, a terrible parent? Me too, and I don’t even have children.

Is the internet a glorious frontier of freely accessible information, or a Wild West wasteland filled with charlatans and snake oil? All hat and no cattle, some would say. It depends, of course, on where you roam. It also depends on how desperate you are. 

When you’re up against a difficult problem and opening all the online doors to see if the fastest, cheapest, easiest solution might be lurking behind THIS one, you expose yourself to a lot of pain point persuasion techniques that amplify your problem in order to sell you the “perfect” remedy. It can start to feel like your loan shark is poking his finger into the knife wound he just made.

Did you know the very nature of your mind is to constantly be seeking? The “Four Functions of Behavior” (escape/avoidance, attention, access to resources, and sensory—for pleasure and/or avoiding pain), from Applied Behavior Analysis research done in the 80s and 90s by Brian Iwata, helps us understand why children might display certain behaviors like screaming or throwing tantrums in response to requests, transitions, sensory stimuli, or simply because they haven’t learned a better way to meet their bodily and psychological needs.

Even if we’ve finally learned not to throw a chair when it’s time to do the dishes, we’re still constantly on the hunt to meet our next need.

“This glass of wine will make cooking dinner more fun.”

“This cigarette will get me away from my desk for 10 minutes.”

And as you desperately look for ways to bypass the unhealthy desires of your limbic brain, you can sense you’re being sold to—with short, punchy sentences and single line paragraphs, littered with pain points and “what if” promises of a better life. They’re designed to prey on your insecurities and deepest desires. They raise our hackles, for good reason, even as we find ourselves being manipulated by them. Who among us hasn’t clicked to buy some expensive makeup or other unneeded trifle on Instagram late at night?

Here’s the thing. These language patterns occur everywhere because they are effective at diagnosing your problem as you see it, and the best marketers are wicked good at articulating the transformation you desire. If you could repair your relationship, build your confidence, get a promotion, learn how to manage your money, get fit, or quit smoking for good, you truly would be transformed. This stuff IS life changing.

And here we are, in a capitalist society, where it’s easier than it has ever been for an individual or company to put something in the marketplace via the internet in exchange for money. Anti-capitalist arguments aside, there’s nothing wrong with that, if what they’re offering has value for someone.

But this is where your desperation comes into play. When you feel like you would do just about anything to fix your problem in the fastest, easiest, and cheapest way possible (because that’s human nature—to optimize your efforts), you set yourself up to buy the transformation without expecting any other investment on your part.

Do you really think a $7 program is going to magically fix all your problems if you don’t even read through the 23 modules that come with it? I know I’m guilty of hoping it might! This doesn’t make us foolish. It just means we need to work on applying some discernment before we hit “submit.”

10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Investing in an Online Promise (and 5 Red Flags To Watch For)

1. Did I already know I needed this before I saw the post/ad/video?
   If no, wait a minimum of 48 hours and ask yourself what value/happiness/life improvement it will be giving you 6 months to a year from now.

2. If it’s a physical thing, where will I put it?

3. I did already know I needed/wanted this thing before I saw it: What will happen a year from now if I don’t address this need? How do I feel about that?
   If doing some more nothing gives you a lot of pain, it’s a good sign you are ready to do something. That doesn’t mean you have to purchase this particular solution. See question #7.

4. If it’s a digital information product, membership, or coaching, what is the clear outcome? Can I articulate it? Do I need that outcome or would it just be nice?

5. Am I ready to do what’s necessary to get the outcome? How much time will be required for me to achieve it (both in total and hours per day or week)? Can I enter the required time in my calendar right now to ensure I’ll get what I need from it?
   I’m currently enrolled in a program that has been around so long, there are people who have been using it for a decade. The social proof is high and I can see it provides long-term value for many people. I can also see that the content is so broad and so deep, it’s unlikely I’ll be able to take full advantage of it without scheduling regular time with it on the calendar, just like I would do with an in-person class.

6. Has the seller already provided some value to me?
   If I already received help or inspiration from someone through their social accounts, I’ll think nothing of dropping $7-$27 on a mini product offering. If I get a ton of insight from a free launch and I know I need more help and support to follow through, I’ll also sign up for something more expensive or a longer term membership. I absolutely believe in investing in myself. …But not at the cost of missing a mortgage payment.

7. Is it possible to get this information another way?
   The answer to this is most certainly yes.

8. Have I looked into the alternatives? What are the reasons I prefer this one?
   It may come down to personality and whether you enjoy listening to the person if they’re offering a program of content you’ll need to consume or coaching calls with them.

9. Have I already purchased other products or services to solve this problem? Did I utilize or complete them? Why or why not? What makes me think this time will different?

10. If I think this is different because I’m being told it will be easier, faster, or cheaper, is that really true? Especially when it comes to faster and easier: have I asked what will be required of me and felt certain I understand?
    So many programs offer vague promises of community and loads of lifetime-access content; you want a clear description of the format, time investment, and what support is available in case you struggle.

Red Flags

1. Crazy urgency that disregards your preferred decision-making process (this offer will disappear if you click away, you must sign today to get the price, there’s only one spot left, etc.)
   Creating urgency is a very effective sales technique and can build momentum to get started from your initial enthusiasm, but if you don’t even have time to ask yourself the questions above before committing, and you haven’t done any research, be very wary of feeling pressured to buy right this minute unless there is a guarantee and you fully understand what will be required of you to take advantage of it.

2. It’s not clear what the guarantee or satisfaction policy is.
   Not everyone offers refunds, sometimes with good reason. But if the cost is high, you should at least know what the policy is and feel comfortable with it before you move forward with the purchase.

3. Making a purchase before doing some basic research on this person, brand, or company.
   I may be a new smoking cessation coach, but I have a published book on the topic. I also have an online footprint from decades of running my design business and plenty of social proof of doing good work and being a decent human on my website and LinkedIn profile. If you can’t figure out where someone came from or learn anything about them these days, keep your guard up.

4. High-pressure sales techniques, especially any sales call that feels like you are arguing with the person. If you say something like, “I can’t commit during this call,” and end up whipping out your credit card anyway after feeling pushed into a corner: major red flag! 🚩 
   When you have a problem that the product or service can actually help solve, you should not need to be bullied into buying it.

5. Being talked down to, belittled, shamed, insulted, or scolded in any way. 
   Everyone online trying to help you solve your problem is also an imperfect human, just like you. Even if they’ve helped millions of people or achieved great success themselves, they put their pants on one leg at a time. They make mistakes, cry, fart, get sick, and experience all the same emotions and insecurities that you do. We love to assign superpowers to gurus because we think they have all the answers we are lacking. They don’t. Even if they have the right knowledge and experience to solve your specific problem, there’s no need to be bullied or attacked to get help. Being asked hard questions can be helpful. Being told you’re not good enough is not. Refer again to question #7. I promise there are always other ways to meet your need.

The next time you’re feeling like a failure because you still smoke, remember that you’re human and this is an addiction. If you apply discernment to finding the right support for you, I promise it’s out there. It’s also absolutely possible to quit smoking or make any other behavior change you desire without spending a dime. Think of every available option as a potential investment in your future, and do your research before jumping in. Hot tip: if you don’t understand crypto, don’t invest in it unless you don’t mind losing your investment.

A No-Brainer Investment in Your Smoke-Free Future

2025 is coming to a close; this is the perfect time to think about a fresh start in the New Year. I’ll have a 7-Day Mindset Reset available in January that will get you ready to quit in 7 days. It’ll take just 30 minutes a day of your time, and I’m offering it for only $7! Even better—you only need to complete the workbook and share your feedback with me for a FULL REFUND. That’s right, if you do the Mindset Reset and tell me how it went, whether you love it or hate it, I’ll give it to you for free!

I know this stuff works because I used these steps to quit myself, but I need to know if it works for others, because my goal is to help a million people quit smoking before I die. :)

If you want access, send an email to [email protected] and I’ll hook you up as soon as it’s ready!

Here’s to your freedom from smoking in 2026.

This piece was originally published in A Newsletter for Quitters on Substack on December 12, 2025.